Archive for the Matthew Category

New contributor debut

Posted in Matthew on 01/19/2011 by Zombie Luther

We here at the Zombie Bible Commentary have been busy behind the scenes the last few weeks.  One of the results is that this commentary now has a second contributing author!  Below is the debut posting from the Zombie Bible Commentary‘s newest author, caspianrex (AKA Cory).  Remember folks, there are now two of us, caspianrex and Zombie Luther.*


“Therefore, when YOU catch sight of the disgusting thing that causes desolation, as spoken of through Daniel the prophet, standing in a holy place, (let the reader use discernment,) then let those in Judea begin fleeing to the mountains. Let the man on the housetop not come down to take the goods out of his house; and let the man in the field not return to the house to pick up his outer garment. Woe to the pregnant women and those suckling a baby in those days! Keep praying that YOUR flight may not occur in wintertime, nor on the sabbath day; for then there will be great tribulation such as has not occurred since the world’s beginning until now, no, nor will occur again.In fact, unless those days were cut short, no flesh would be saved; but on account of the chosen ones those days will be cut short.  -Matthew 24:15-22 (NWT)

This passage from Matthew’s Gospel is usually interpreted (especially by those of a premillenial dispensationalist bent) as a prophetic passage, describing the events that will lead to Armageddon.  Is this passage apocalyptic, in the popular sense of the term?  The zombie theologian may interpret it more specifically as a description of the coming Zombie Apocalypse.  The Zombie Apocalypse, as has been mentioned elsewhere in this blog, is a central theme of zombie mythology.  And the passage quoted above certainly seems to harmonize with the classic descriptions of that crucial event.  The New World Translation (quoted above) speaks of “the disgusting thing that causes desolation.”  What can be more disgusting than a zombie–a rotting, flesh eating, undead monster that is eternally hungry, and will stop at nothing in its quest for brains and other body parts?  Zombies are well known to cause immense desolation, in pretty much every scenario hitherto conceived.  As far as zombies “standing in a holy place,” unlike vampires (those other undead abominations), zombies have absolutely no fear of religious symbols.  In fact, in the films in which survivors have taken refuge in a house of worship, the zombies usually make quick work of breaking in and munching on the people inside.  Indeed, in the film Zombies of Mass Destruction, a preacher believes he can successfully convert some people who have shown evidence of becoming zombies, with predictably disastrous results for himself and his “flock.”

Certainly, pregnant and nursing women are at a distinct disadvantage in any Zombie Apocalypse scenario, so the verse about them is not at all surprising.  The one verse in this passage which seems to be a bit mystifying vis a vis zombies is the one that speaks of wintertime being such a dangerous time for the “disgusting thing that causes desolation” to take place.  Would winter be a worse time than other seasons for a Zombie Apocalypse to take place?  Well, it depends on the exact timing of the event in relationship to winter.  If the zombies began to attack in the late fall, they could actually be slowed down quite a bit by the colder temperatures.  However, this could actually create an even bigger problem.  If there is one thing almost all zombie films have taught us, the non-infected humans who are competing for survival can easily become a greater threat than the undead themselves.  In a Zombie Apocalypse, law and order quickly deteriorate, and people begin to commit horrible crimes against their neighbors, once the barriers of society have been removed.  Fleeing to a mountain stronghold could be the only possibility for survival for many, and it would be a slim one at that. The colder temperatures would make it even more difficult for the uninfected to survive.  And frozen zombies can easily thaw out once warmer weather arrives, easily picking off the humans who have been weakened by the winter. Readers of The Walking Dead will know exactly how difficult winter can be for survivors.   But going back to try to stock up on supplies can be equally dangerous; thus the advice for people not to return to their houses to pick up goods or clothing.

It is plain to see that the Scripture passage quoted here fits a Zombie Apocalypse quite as well as it fits any premillenial dispensationalist position.  Food for thought for the zombie theologian and the Left Behind fan alike…


*Zombie Luther is derived from this author’s being a Lutheran as well as an old joke from theology school that “zombie Luther” would return and punish those who deviated from Scripture.  Like everything else on this blog, no offense is intended – it’s satire!