Archive for the Psalms Category

Psalm 35

Posted in Psalms with tags on 04/24/2013 by caspianrex

I don’t know if anyone is reading this blog any more, but here’s another entry anyway…

Now I realize that I am taking several verses out of context here, but isn’t that the best way to do zombie-themed commentary?  I am reminded of the way lots of End Times experts do eisegesis.  This is the same thing.

This psalm contains several little hints about some possible zombie uprising.  Verse 11 contains the phrase “Violent witnesses rise up…”  A couple verses later (verse 13) we read, “…when they became ill, my clothing was sackcloth.”  What is this illness?  A zombie plague perhaps?  Verse 15 says, “But at my limping they rejoiced and gathered together; they gathered together against me. Striking me down…They ripped me to pieces and did not keep silent.”  And in the next verse: “There was a grinding of teeth against me.”  Sounds a bit like a group of zombies descending on a wounded individual.  (Don’t ask me how the psalmist is able to report this after he’s been ripped to pieces.  Perhaps he’s writing a description from the point of view of someone he’s seen torn to pieces.)  Finally, in verse 21: “And they open wide their mouth even against me.”  Lots of the imagery seems pretty consistent with zombie attacks.


Meanwhile, it appears that the psalmist is depending on the Lord to defend him from the undead uprising.  The very first verse of the psalm says, “War against those warring against me.  Take hold of buckler and large shield, and do rise up in my help, and draw spear and double ax to meet those pursuing me.”  A perfect description of an anti-zombie arsenal, if I ever heard one…

All Scripture quotations from the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures, published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.


Psalm 27

Posted in Psalms on 08/27/2010 by Zombie Luther

Confidence in the Face of the Undead

Psalm 27 is one of many moods and some even read it as two psalms combined into one.  Reading it over it is easy to detect that the first half of the psalm is dominated by confidence and the second half one of lament.  Though the inscription ascribes it to King David, there is nothing in the text that insists upon a kingly author, much less that it is necessarily David in the face of the rebellion of Absolom.  Psalm 27 is clearly that of someone in a life-threatening situation that would be the absolute picture hopelessness were it not for the confidence inspiring presence of the Lord.

Vv. 2-3:

When evildoers came upon me to devour me, even my enemies and those who hate me, they together stumbled and fell. Though a host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident

These words describe a faith in God in the presence of the gathered undead.  As any zombie enthusiast knows, a single zombie is manageable for most adults (if properly armed with blade or firearm).  A single zombie of the fast-moving variety as seen in Dawn of the Dead (2004 version) is more of a challenge, but is still not insurmountable.  No, the true element of danger comes when zombies are present in groups.  All of that aside, Psalm 27 appears to be describing the less able-bodied slow moving variety of zombies, or what I call “classic” zombies.  Notice that in v. 2 after the description of their gathering to consume his flesh, the reference to stumbling and falling.  The undead are notoriously clumsy, particularly if there is a limb or two missing.

V. 5:

For in the day of trouble he shall hide me in his shelter; in the shadow of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.

This verse is a reminder of something that can not be over-estimated in the case of a zombie plague – adequate shelter!  The people who aren’t killed immediately in zombie plagues survive precisely because they were in the right location.  This zombie enthusiast ventures to say that adequate shelter is more important weapons.  Weapons defend against individual zombies or even small groups, but in the face of a zombie horde, only proper fortifications will work.  In zombie flicks from Night of the Living Dead all the way to 28 Weeks Later, it is fortified houses that serve many characters, though with varying levels of success.  In some cases, a preplanned escape route is also beneficial (cf. Dawn of the Dead‘s armored bus and 28 Weeks‘ boat) if not extremely risky.  The psalmist, though, is relying on the shelter of God – no escape route necessary!

V. 10:

Although my father and my mother have deserted me, the LORD has taken me up.

This verse may seem harsh, but let’s not forget one of the realities of surviving a zombie attack: if they have a victim, they slow down.  If you’re fleeing zombies and they are getting close, beware of your companions tripping you up to save themselves.  Similarly, if you come to a shelter, don’t be surprised if the survivors don’t risk it to help you.  The only exception to this rule of survival are humans with above average senses of nobility who may sacrifice themselves for others, but I wouldn’t count on it.  The psalmist, though, is making it clear that the Lord will always do what it takes to save you from zombies (which is typically a foolish action when done by mere humans).

V. 13:

But I have believed to see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

The psalm ends with hope: being with God in a land free from the undead.  It’s hard to imagine another thing that can so thoroughly ruin a place as can zombies.  Likewise, nothing is as relieving as having been delivered from a zombie horde.