Archive for zombie attack

Psalm 35

Posted in Psalms with tags on 04/24/2013 by caspianrex

I don’t know if anyone is reading this blog any more, but here’s another entry anyway…

Now I realize that I am taking several verses out of context here, but isn’t that the best way to do zombie-themed commentary?  I am reminded of the way lots of End Times experts do eisegesis.  This is the same thing.

This psalm contains several little hints about some possible zombie uprising.  Verse 11 contains the phrase “Violent witnesses rise up…”  A couple verses later (verse 13) we read, “…when they became ill, my clothing was sackcloth.”  What is this illness?  A zombie plague perhaps?  Verse 15 says, “But at my limping they rejoiced and gathered together; they gathered together against me. Striking me down…They ripped me to pieces and did not keep silent.”  And in the next verse: “There was a grinding of teeth against me.”  Sounds a bit like a group of zombies descending on a wounded individual.  (Don’t ask me how the psalmist is able to report this after he’s been ripped to pieces.  Perhaps he’s writing a description from the point of view of someone he’s seen torn to pieces.)  Finally, in verse 21: “And they open wide their mouth even against me.”  Lots of the imagery seems pretty consistent with zombie attacks.


Meanwhile, it appears that the psalmist is depending on the Lord to defend him from the undead uprising.  The very first verse of the psalm says, “War against those warring against me.  Take hold of buckler and large shield, and do rise up in my help, and draw spear and double ax to meet those pursuing me.”  A perfect description of an anti-zombie arsenal, if I ever heard one…

All Scripture quotations from the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures, published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.